Feeling empowered after seeing the Castle Anthrax scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," I now began looking for where else I might find other spanking-related material.  My first stop was the video store.  Not being able to ask, of course, I spent hours perusing the shelves, discovering the titles "The Secretary," and "Live Nude Girls."  As I wasn't eighteen, I couldn't yet check them out or watch them, but just knowing they existed gave me a thrill.

What about the web?   Well, yes, I tried that too.    Complicating matters, though, I still had parental controls in force on my computer.  I honestly don't think that was because my parents didn't trust me - I was the epitome of a "good girl" at that time.  I think it was because my dad had enabled the protections years before to prevent any accidental exposure to questionable material, and then never even thought about turning them off as I got older.  So I would occasionally type "spanking" in the search engine - discovering how extensive the internet material was.  Anything that really looked interesting, though, was blocked.  Fearing that if I asked my dad for an unblocking, he'd figure out why, so I hesitated asking.  

Eventually, though, I realized I just had to get access to what was out on the web.  My plan became this - starting a couple months before I turned eighteen, as casually as I could, I would mention - on several occasions - that I was close to being an adult, and also that the blocking was so clumsy that it often stopped access to material a student might need for a report (having read this in a couple articles).  When it worked, I felt so sly.  I was a little embarrassed that, on my birthday, my dad made a show of removing the parental controls "for his grown-up daughter."  It actually took him a couple hours, because he first had to figure out what his own password was, and then how to work the blocking program.

Did I then wait a discreet interval of time before visiting just a few sites at a time?  Heck no!  Although it was a school night, I stayed up until three in the morning checking out dozens of different sites.  As many sites as I had seen in searches, I had no idea what I would find, especially the pictures.  I was astounded... and hooked.

The pictures did provoke fantasies of me replacing the girls being spanked.  The sheer number of them, though, was almost an overload.  I began to gravitate more to stories, where I could find them, and chatrooms, where I could link up with similar-minded people. With a dial-up connection, I didn't even attempt  videos.  

The chatroom world was eye-opening, to say the least.  I never realized how many weirdos there are out there.  And how many fakers, who tried to pass off the most far-fetched fantasies as reality.  Then there were the role-players.   That seemed a bit odd, but over time I found myself seduced into this on-line play, since it was the only spankings I would get, other than the self-administered ones. I also indulged my other fantasy, of being with another woman, more and more finding that something I found attractive.

My life was more or less tri-sected during this period - I was quite the straight-laced persona to friends and family, an ever more sexually-involved partner with my boyfriend, albeit straight and vanilla, and sapphic, spankophilic role-player online.  I never told anyone in real life about my on-line activities.

Beyond the role-playing, though, I began to find a handful of people in the chatrooms who seemed genuine and, well, normal,  who struggled with the same lack of real-life outlets for spanking desires as I had.  These people became my support group, the people who told me that I wasn't the freak I had thought I was.  And, often from a perspective of being locked into loving but vanilla marriages, encouraged me to be bold, to seek real-life experience, and relationships that would fulfill my spanking desires.    

It wopuld be a long time before I'd actuallly follow that advice, but the seeds we  





Leave a Reply.