My therapist, Dr. Franz, had helped me to see understand that I wasn't a weirdo. She also guided me through some self-analysis in which we concluded that this desire, for me, wasn't about a dark desire to be punished, but that it was just a healthy sexual fantasy. And since it didn't seem to bother her a bit that this fantasy, back then, was for a woman to spank me, it ceased to bother me. She didn't exactly encourage me to go seek out a woman to spank me, but helped be to accept the fact that it would be ok if and when it happened.
The encouragement came from some of my friends from the internet chatrooms. No, not the ones wanted to treat me like a ten-year-old in roleplay, strip me naked for a spanking, and then probe my various of my orifices. I'm talking about the normal ones. There were several. One was a guy my father's age, who, as it turned out, lived just five minutes away from me, who never once suggested that the two of us meet, but instead gave cautionary advice and good suggestions about how to to fulfilling my own fantasies - with a woman, one closer to my own age. With the advice and warnings I received, I decided not to take my chances with someone from online - for all the nice, normal people, there are just too many predators.
So the trick was to find someone I knew in person, who, by one means or another, I could get to spank me. Although what I most wanted was an experience that would combine spanking and sex, that seemed to be hoping for too much, at least at first, so I needed to be willing to settle for half a loaf. And, given how embarrassing it might be if I were rebuffed, it couldn't be one of my best friends. That part was easy, because they were all away at school.
With Dr Franz's encouragement, I had begun to develop new groups of friends, rather than depending on meeting up with my high school friends when they were home on break. This included some people from the community college, a girl from the diner where I worked, and then some acquaintances from high school who were also still in the area rather than away.
For a potential spanker, I began to focus more and more on just one. Jan had graduated from my high school a year before me. I had had a bit of a crush on her from back then. Although we both played volleyball, we hadn't known each other very well back then - she was varsity the three years I played JV. Although she was technically away at college, she was coming home most weekends to help out her divorced father who lived alone, and needed some help because of health issues. She was good friends with a couple people I had started hanging out with, so that we become friendly as well.
It turned out that Jan liked a lot of the same things I did - going to clubs, but also outdoor stuff like hiking, and cycling. So we started spending quite a bit of time together - often in a group, but sometimes just the two of us. I imagined that the occasions we did things alone were like dates, that she had the same interest in me as I did in her. All I had to do was figure out, shy as I was, how to make overt what I believed was their below the surface. From the online encouragement I'd been receiving, I decided that, somehow, I somehow had to introduce the topic of spanking into a conversation. I began to devise ways to do just that.
One Saturday in late April we were due to take a hike at the Delaware Water Gap. The two other people who were supposed to accompany us canceled last minute. I figured this was the perfect opportunity, with just the two of us, with no interruptions for several hours. I was rehearsing in my mind what I would say when we stopped for our first break. As we were about to hit the trail, however, we happened across a woman with two small children. The one who was obviously misbehaving she gave several firm smacks to his bottom. The perfect opportunity for me, right? Wrong. I had so carefully worked out what to say, that the little boy's misfortune served only to confuse me, causing me to botch it. Sure, I brought up the topic, but when the conversation didn't go as planned, I let the conversation drift elsewhere. We had fun on the hike, but no further discussion of spanking.
I didn't give up. On two subsequent occasions in the coming weeks I tried again. Both of these went pretty much the same as the first. I broached the subject, felt awkward, and then changed the topic.
The third time, though, Jan wouldn't let me drop it. 'You've got some kind of interest in spanking, don't you Elise?" she asked, or rather stated, as it wasn't really a question so much as an observation. Horrified at being "outed," I started to deny it. She wouldn't take no for an answer, though. Upon being asked again, I acknowledged that, yes, I did, sort of. Then it all came pouring out.
We talked for a couple hours. I didn't tell her everything - not about my crush on her, for example, or the extent of my online activity - but pretty much everything else. Well, not my attraction to women either. Perhaps it was because she was a psych major, and she viewed me as a case study, but she listened to all I had to say without expressing any hint of judgment or disapproval. No, she didn't spank me, nor did I ask her to. It felt so good to have someone - not online, but in flesh and blood - be understanding and accepting, that there was no way I was going to ruin it all. Her hugging me on the way out the door was the best gift she could give me.
It was a week later when I was over at her place again, or rather her dad's place, that it happened. We stopped there for a glass of wine after a movie, since, at twenty and nineteen, we were both to young to drink at a bar. I had just finished my first glass, and was feeling pretty mellow, when she asked me.
"Well, Elise, do you want to try it to see what it's like?"
"It," of course, was a spanking, which I knew full well as soon as she said it. I stilled, though, pretending at first not to know wheat she meant, and then acted hesitant. Inside, though, I was telling myself, yes, yes YES.
"Come on, Elise - yes or no?"
I nodded. She patted her knee. From everything I had told her, she knew that's how it needed top be given. As she sat there in the middle of the sofa, I crawled over her lap, my heart racing.
She started slow, a couple medium slaps to the seat of my shorts. Gradually she ramped it up, pausing every now and again to make sure I was ok. She knew I wanted it "hard," and eventually she was giving it to me pretty hard. She also knew that I wanted my bottom bared, but that never happened. I didn't care, though - I was getting a spanking. No, it didn't leave me crying. When I checked later, my butt wasn't even red.
Still it was enough for me to know that, yes, it was something I wanted more of. As much as I enjoyed it, and despite keeping my clothes on, it was a bit embarrassing. Well, more than a bit. To be in that position, butt in the air, and having a friend act out your secret fantasy, just left me feeling exposed and vulnerable. That, too, was a good thing, part of the fantasy, part of what I craved to experience.
I was on a such a high when she finished that I didn't want any more wine. What I wanted was to talk about it, to tell how it had made me feel, and in that Jan indulged me at length.
When I left for home later that night, I knew that I had passed a crossroads, that there was no turning back.