Where did it all start?  I really don't know.  I was NOT spanked as a child - not by my parents, not at school, not by anyone.  As far back as I can remember, though, I was curious about spanking, fascinated by it.  

I had a book of Mother Goose rhymes, it had been my grandmother's book.  My favorite, of course, was the Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe.  All those children, all those spankings.  The picture on the page showed the Old Woman with a little boy over her lap, with her spanking his round bottom.  A little girl was running toward the shoe, crying, holding her own recently-spanked backside, past a bunch of other misbehaving children, who were soon to have there own turns over the woman's lap.  Even then - how old was I?  five, maybe six? - I knew I couldn't tell anyone that this was my favorite rhyme.  It was my secret pornography, something I had to sneak a peek at, even as I got older - nine, ten - worrying that the page was becoming too well worn.

By then I was using the dictionary - looking up "spank" and every spanking-related word I could think of.  Thrash. Smack. Beat. Paddle. All of them gave me a thrill.  

Although I wasn't spanked, a few other children I knew were. If one of them mentioned her mother's hairbrush, or that there was a danger of getting a butt smacked, I was dying to know more. How? With what? How hard? How often? Of course I was too embarrassed to ask any of these questions. Only my cousin Jerry gave me any details, unsolicited, of how his dad would put him over his knee. How it made it hard to sit down. How he once tried thwarting the punishment by slipping a book in the seat of his pants. Yeah, right - like that would work. All this made made me scared. When I stayed over, if Uncle John got angry at something we were doing.  Would we both get it, Jerry and me?

As curious as I was, it wasn't something I was wishing for, for myself, not back then.  I did occasionally wonder what it would be like.  I'd pile up pillow on my bed, pull down my pajama pants, and then lie over the pillows, imagining I was waiting to get my butt smacked.  It never occurred to me, though, back then, to try spanking my own bottom.

I was drawn to anything and everything spanking-related.  If a book had even so much as a reference to a child getting spanked, I would re-read it over and over again, particularly that section.  Or, a movie.  That was so exciting, seeing some poor unfortunate child get his or her bottom whacked.  When on vacation, I'd wander through gift shops, hoping that they'd have souvenir paddles for sale, and upon finding one on the shelf, having my heart pound as if it would leap out of my chest.  Eventually, as an early teen, I would buy one, down at the Jersey shore, thinking that everybody in the store had to be looking at my purchase,  That, though, was still years in the future.

At the time, back in my innocent pre-teen years, I knew I had a secret.  I just didn't know that it was truly about ME.

 


Comments

Alan
02/19/2013 10:01am

Good luck with the blog! When I read the short passage on the home page the "regular person with a secret" angle really struck a chord with me. I grew up in the pre-internet age, also came of age at the height of the women-against-porn political movement. I still have some residual guilt over being drawn to this topic, so I enjoy hearing people (especially women) acknowleding the same fascination.

As for the more detailed reflections here... uncanny... like having someone read my own mind.

I'll just to have to pick one experience to share. Third grade. Miss M. picks a book to read aloud when it is too rainy to go outside for recess. Her selection? Tom Sawyer. There was even a drawing of pretty and proper Becky Thatcher looking nervous just seconds away from being called up in front of the class for a switchin' for her oh-so embarrassing misdeed. I almost fainted!

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02/21/2013 8:05pm

i can totally empathize with all of this!!! i remember seeing a friend of mine get spanked when i was like 9 years old, and always wondering if there were the possibility of me getting it from her dad, too, if we got in trouble together! i think secretly i wished for it, but didn't realize it for a few years. anyway, nice blog, will try to check back often to read more :)

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JJ
03/11/2013 12:17am

I had the same book with the old woman who lived in a shoe... and still remember the picture clearly. I think I was born a spanko and used to spank my stuffed animals. I used to try to get spanked by girls and try to get them to let me spank them whenever we played house or school. I'm a guy who ended up marrying a vanilla woman and have struggled to get this need met. I have enjoyed your blog. Keep it up.

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11/02/2013 10:40pm

I just found this blog through Google search. This is absolutely fantastic! It makes me think so much of myself, exploring my early spanking interests... Your writings brought back so many wonderful memories...

The last entry I can find is from march...Please, please, please continue this blog....I'm sure there are many kindred spirits out there, if they could only find this. Thank you so much for sharing such personal thoughts and feelings with us! If you would ever like to visit, you can write me at the above e-mail address.

Thank you again,

meri

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